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"Stomach series.
This was something very hard for me to post. I have huge insecurities of my stomach. You can ask my boyfriend, because I will hardly ever let him touch it...
I was diagnosed with an eating disorder a few years ago, in which i dont usually like to talk about, but i "recovered" because i was forced to eat by an ex boyfriend of mine. I also had to promise a few people that i would never starve myself again.
[edit] i am adding a real description to describe these
First off, my stomach IS NOT flat.
It is not how i want it to look.
and no matter how hard I try,
no matter how skinny i get,
or even how many sit ups i do,
it will not be flat.
If you don`t like that, get over it.
Second off, these pictures were taken after
i had gained most of my weight back.
I was orginally 130.
I dropped down to 110.
[til i started blacking out and had friends to help me]
I am now about 125.
In the pictures, I was about the same.
My weight varies from 120-125 now,
depending on if i eat or not.
Maybe that seems big to you,
and believe me it does to me too.
But I am also 5`7,
I was a cheerleader.
I do have muscles,
and I have boobs.
It all helps gain weight.
and although I am 125
I still have problems with eating, sometimes.
Third off, DON`T tell me i`m beautiful,
DON`T tell me my stomach is gorgeous,
i`ve heard it all and one more person telling me
isn`t going to make me believe it.
Now, about each picture...
The first picture, YES, i was sucking in,
and YES, I was pushing my stomach back.
Remember I said MY STOMACH IS NOT FLAT.
That picture represents how i wanted/want to look.
I don`t want to be called fat by my mom
or be joked on about having the pudge.
I see it. I know it`s there.
and there isn`t a damn thing i can do about it.
I have tried and tried.
And as hard as it seems,
the images you see,
i see 100 times worse.
The second picture, YES, I was sucking in.
That is how skinny I wanted to get even more.
My SERIOUS goal of weight was to be 50 pounds.
I was going to drop to 100.
and then 90.
and then eventually down to 50.
But also then, i did not care if i died or not.
But my true weight.
I wanted to be was 100 pounds or less.
The third picture was about how I looked.
Except, my hand was there to push the pudge down a little
and I think I was sucking in a little.
Not only that, but that picture is horrid to me.
It took me over 100 shots just to get it to look okay.
Okay enough for people to see.
When these pictures were taken, i was in a bubble. I had too many insecurities. My love is helping me, and is continuing to help me. I was called fat by my mom from ages 12-14 and that scarred me for life. Never will I see myself as a skinny girl. But I am also realizing you DON`T have to be skinny. Just to be yourself. Although I do eat now, and i don`t throw up as much. I still have times when I do not eat for periods of time or I eat too much and don`t think I need all the food in my system and i throw it up. I have been doing better, but I still am not able to take a real picture of my stomach without sucking in. I am still not able to take a picture without taking 100 pictures to get the shots okay.
I will not go into anymore details.
It is my business and all you need to know.
don`t ask. don`t worry. i will not tell."
"Stomach series.
This was something very hard for me to post. I have huge insecurities of my stomach. You can ask my boyfriend, because I will hardly ever let him touch it...
I was diagnosed with an eating disorder a few years ago, in which i dont usually like to talk about, but i "recovered" because i was forced to eat by an ex boyfriend of mine. I also had to promise a few people that i would never starve myself again.
[edit] i am adding a real description to describe these
First off, my stomach IS NOT flat.
It is not how i want it to look.
and no matter how hard I try,
no matter how skinny i get,
or even how many sit ups i do,
it will not be flat.
If you don`t like that, get over it.
Second off, these pictures were taken after
i had gained most of my weight back.
I was orginally 130.
I dropped down to 110.
[til i started blacking out and had friends to help me]
I am now about 125.
In the pictures, I was about the same.
My weight varies from 120-125 now,
depending on if i eat or not.
Maybe that seems big to you,
and believe me it does to me too.
But I am also 5`7,
I was a cheerleader.
I do have muscles,
and I have boobs.
It all helps gain weight.
and although I am 125
I still have problems with eating, sometimes.
Third off, DON`T tell me i`m beautiful,
DON`T tell me my stomach is gorgeous,
i`ve heard it all and one more person telling me
isn`t going to make me believe it.
Now, about each picture...
The first picture, YES, i was sucking in,
and YES, I was pushing my stomach back.
Remember I said MY STOMACH IS NOT FLAT.
That picture represents how i wanted/want to look.
I don`t want to be called fat by my mom
or be joked on about having the pudge.
I see it. I know it`s there.
and there isn`t a damn thing i can do about it.
I have tried and tried.
And as hard as it seems,
the images you see,
i see 100 times worse.
The second picture, YES, I was sucking in.
That is how skinny I wanted to get even more.
My SERIOUS goal of weight was to be 50 pounds.
I was going to drop to 100.
and then 90.
and then eventually down to 50.
But also then, i did not care if i died or not.
But my true weight.
I wanted to be was 100 pounds or less.
The third picture was about how I looked.
Except, my hand was there to push the pudge down a little
and I think I was sucking in a little.
Not only that, but that picture is horrid to me.
It took me over 100 shots just to get it to look okay.
Okay enough for people to see.
When these pictures were taken, i was in a bubble. I had too many insecurities. My love is helping me, and is continuing to help me. I was called fat by my mom from ages 12-14 and that scarred me for life. Never will I see myself as a skinny girl. But I am also realizing you DON`T have to be skinny. Just to be yourself. Although I do eat now, and i don`t throw up as much. I still have times when I do not eat for periods of time or I eat too much and don`t think I need all the food in my system and i throw it up. I have been doing better, but I still am not able to take a real picture of my stomach without sucking in. I am still not able to take a picture without taking 100 pictures to get the shots okay.
I will not go into anymore details.
It is my business and all you need to know.
don`t ask. don`t worry. i will not tell."
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it's not anorexia, it's ok!)